Parenting Powers

Creating Memories for Life This Summer

July 6th, 2010 at 10:10am Under Teens/Tweens

Summer is a great time to put into place family rituals, things that you do over and over again every summer. It could be that you eat outdoors or that you take a walk together after dinner. It might be that you go camping or take some type of family vacation together or visit relatives. It doesn’t matter what you do or if it costs $ or is free…what matters most is the TIME together. This is fairly easy to make happen with some children but how do you entice children with special needs and tweens and teens to participate in family time?

During your family meeting brain storm things that they want to do (it is important that you have buy in from them…believe me….it will be much more pleasant)
Be conscious of your child’s developmental stage. For kids with short attention spans change up the activities frequently (every 40 minutes or so) so they don’t start acting up. Better to end the activity while it is still fun rather than running it into the ground..(a real recipe for a meltdown)
Correct- don’t punish…kids will act out…expect it and be proactive.
Take pictures
Do the same activity again next summer and ever summer thereafter.

Leave a comment on what you are planning with your family this summer!

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Tags: Children, family rituals, family time, parenting advice, parenting powers, summer vacations, susan epstein, teens, tweens

By Susan Epstein Add comment

Creating Positive Family Communication

June 29th, 2010 at 09:09am Under Teens/Tweens

“Tommy, how was camp today?”

“OK”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

Sound familiar?

This week,

Put your first family meeting on the calendar or start doing them again if you have stopped.
Put a blank piece of paper titled “Agenda for Family Meeting” on the fridge and put a few items on it to discuss. Make them fun, such as….What night should we rent a movie? What kind of pizza should we order? Where should we have our picnic on Sat? Make sure that these are age appropriate.
Meetings should be no longer than 15 to 20 minutes and you should come to some sort of resolution at the end.
Keep a notebook of the minutes (what you decided together) and put it in a place where family members have access.
Follow through

Want to have the “Best Family Meeting on the Block”? In my book, Take Back Your Parenting Powers System, I dedicated an entire chapter to family meetings and how to use these to effectively communicate with your kids.

http://parentingpowers.com/takebacksystem.htm

Please leave a comment on how your family meetings are going.

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Tags: Family, meeting, parenting

By Susan Epstein Add comment

Family Support: How to provide your kids with high levels of love and support even if you are behind the eight ball

June 22nd, 2010 at 09:00am Under Children+ Family+ Teens/Tweens

The #1 External Developmental Asset is Family Support: Family life provides high levels of love and support.

This is confusing for many parents because we all have a different definition of support. Does it mean doing things for your child? Paying for extras? Not according to the Search Institute.

child_hug

This week,

Take a step back and take a really good inventory of your child’s strengths.
Start a new family tradition (ie..family meetings, game night or family service)
Give your kids a hug everyday at least once (even if they push you away☺)
Spend alone time with each of your kids this week (even if it is brief).
Make eye contact with your kids at least 5 times a day.

Please leave a comment on how you put at least one of these steps into action and what happened as a result.

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Tags: child, Children, discipline, Family, love, parenting powers, support, susan epstein

By Susan Epstein Add comment

And the Parent of The Year Award Goes To…..

June 15th, 2010 at 11:30am Under Teens/Tweens

Happy Father and Daughter Parenting from a calm place is one of the most difficult techniques to master, especially if you come from a family where everyone shouts at each other naturally. A lot of moms and dads tell me that in their families growing up, it was normal for people to scream and yell at each other

Some kids, can cope with this, but I want to tell you, you aren’t getting the most bang foryour buck by screaming. Mostly, because the kids are tuning you out!

So here is how you can be the Calmest Parent of the Year!

Stay calm: Imagine you are a robot and you are up for the Academy Award. You cannot show emotion or you will not be nominated.
No lecture: Lectures put kids into the zone of tuning out. All they hear is “blah, blah, blah”. They also feel shamed which can lead to tantrums and explosive outbursts.
No questions: Questions put kids on the defensive and they feel backed into a corner. This may provoke them to lash out and lose their cool.
Be clear: Don’t go on and on. Use as few words as possible to make your point. Children/Teens will tune out after 5 words.
Name the specific behavior: Example… “Please, remove your hand from your hip. Please don’t roll your eyes that is disrespectful.”
Don’t give up until the behavior stops: Every time the child/teen comes back with another remark, repeat what you just said, for example: “Please don’t speak to me that way, it is disrespectful.”
Do not banish: Don’t send kids to their room. This sends out the signal that you don’t care and/or can’t stand them. If possible, parent should take their own time out and model this for the child/teen. “I need to calm down and think. I am going to my room and we’ll talk later when we both are able to discuss this.”
Follow: If the child/teen walks away from you call them back and if they still leave; follow them, calming repeating. “It’s okay if you need a break, but please be respectful and let me know.”
Visual Reminders: Use post-its, screen savers, etc…to remind yourself to stay calm. “I am a calm parent and I get results.”
Correct with love and guidance: Show that you care by hanging in there and not losing it, use please and thank you when correcting.