Parenting Powers Blog

Cell Phone Dos and Don’ts for Your Child or Teen

Susan Epstein — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 02:24:28 +0000

The Problems That Cell Phones Are Causing for our Kids

Looking at their phones hundreds of times a day-interrupted thought processes
Conversations being interrupted to respond to a text message-not finishing sentences
Sleeping with phones equals interrupted sleep
Phones at school breeds interruptions in learning
Phones during homework results in interrupted concentration

What You Can Do

Before you purchase your child’s first cell phone…ask yourself…why am I doing this? If it is because your child is begging you that s/he cannot live without it and everyone else has one, yada yada yada….think good and hard.

Decide if your child/tween/teen really requires his or her cell phone while at school and if not do not allow them to bring it.

Cell phones are handed over to parents after school and returned when homework is completed.

Cell phones are handed over to parents during the child’s sleeping hours.

Cell phones will become a power struggle. There is no way around it. Having a system for controlling their use will ensure that your child grows up socially adept and with a mind that can focus on one thing at a time.

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Don’t let the Light go out

Susan Epstein — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 21:57:25 +0000

The last night of Chanukah ended this past Friday. As I put my Menorah away for another year I thought back to my childhood. I loved Chanukah, lighting the Menorah, eating potato latkes and getting a really great gift. My family did not give a gift every night, just one big one. One year it was a Chatty Cathy doll (I know I’m dating myself) another year was a birthstone ring. Some of my friends who did receive a gift a night got things like a pencil one night and an eraser the next. Not too thrilling.

I never felt deprived growing up that we didn’t celebrate Christmas. Although one year I did try to make a Chanukah bush out of an umbrella (wasn’t too successful). I loved the beautiful lights and decorations. My family would take a drive out to Long Island to view this one incredible home display. Every year we would walk down Fifth Avenue and look at the amazing store front windows. We’d go to Rockefeller Center and beneath the most beautiful Christmas tree we would ice skate. And to top it all off I would watch a Christmas Carol every day on million dollar movies. I have many happy memories.

Fast forward to my son’s childhood where we celebrated both holidays. My son who has been diagnosed with ADHD had an enormous difficulty delaying gratification (he actually still does at 22). The buildup for that one magical day and anticipation of opening Chanukah gifts tested his difficulty to the max. Even though my husband and I tried to play down the holidays the message was everywhere. In the stores, at school, and on TV. The same message over and over… The pressure buildup was incredible. And when that most special day of the whole year finally came the letdown for my son was immense.

Thinking back to my own childhood, I wished we had done something similar for our son. Celebrating the season as a festival of lights and participating in the same activities every year. Such as watching the Prudential building tree being lit and going to Downtown Crossing to view the candle for the first night of Chanukah being turned on. I don’t know if this would have alleviated some of my son’s let down but it might have slowed down the light going out.

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Using the Three R’s… to advocate for your child with special needs

Susan Epstein — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 18:24:35 +0000

The school year is in full swing now and first quarter report cards have been distributed. This is often the time I start receiving parent’s calls describing their frustration or anger or both. They are reading teacher comments on their child’s report card that state:
• Jimmy is capable of better work
• Jimmy needs to try harder
• Jimmy doesn’t focus or pay attention
Did the teacher forget that Jimmy’s disability affects his ability to focus? Or without the supports and accommodations (that are specified in his IEP or 504) he will not be successful?
Parents describe numerous phone calls and letters requesting better adherence to their child’s IEP or 504 plan. I can’t count how many times they have told me that they don’t want to push the teachers too hard when they are not in compliance in fear of teacher retaliation towards their child.
This is when I advise them to use the three R’s. I recommend that they not RESTRAIN from advocating for all the services their child is entitled to by law. I suggest that they can only deal with what is in front of them and if there is RETALIATION, we will deal with that too. And most importantly never be intimidated, it’s in their job description to take RESPONSIBILITY to insure that their child is successful and happy at school.
Have you had similar feelings about school or teacher retaliation? Please write in and let me know what your thoughts and experiences have been.
Your Special ED Parent Coach,
Mindy

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THANKS for not GIVING my child with special needs any homework this holiday weekend

Susan Epstein — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:21:12 +0000

Mondays With Mindy

For many families who have children with special needs the holidays can often be such a mixed bag. Everyone is excited about seeing family, friends, and eating all that good food.

If you have far to go or you have guests staying with you it does mix up the status quo. Some children with ADHD, Aspergers, and Bipolar Disorder do not do well with changes and transitions. So by the time your guests are about to leave your child has finally become acclimated to all the excitement and then must transition back to the way things were before Thanksgiving.

When you think about it, as adults it’s not like we just snap back to our routine. I know I am usually exhausted and the thought of unpacking or cleaning the mess is not high on my list. I just want to roll up into a cocoon eat leftovers and watch old movies.

So just imagine how our children are feeling. And on top of that they have assignments due Monday when they return to school.

One thing I have always been thankful for during Thanksgiving is when my son’s teachers did not assign any homework over this holiday weekend. That would have sent me right over the edge.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Your Special Ed Parent Coach,

Mindy

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We don’t Test for Dyslexia… Part III

Susan Epstein — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:34:47 +0000

Since school is pretty much in full swing throughout the country… the emails and phone calls have begun again. Parent’s are picking up where they left off in working with their child’s schools to insure that their child with special needs (or yet to be identified) is receiving the services that they are legally entitled to.
As parents continue on this journey they have been sharing with me some of the stupid things that schools are saying to them. I’ve received several based on the same theme…your child is too smart or their grades are too good to be eligible for special ED services.
Here’s a variation on the theme for a child with ADHD, executive function disorders, and slow processing speed. The mother asked that her daughter’s homework assignments be modified as part of the accommodations in her IEP. The school responded that they would not include that because she was too smart. It would be almost like saying that a child who is visually impaired didn’t need to use materials written in Braille because he was too smart.
Recently at a team meeting for a student entering middle school we asked that he have access to his homework assignments on line. He has ADHD, depression, anxiety, executive functioning disorder, and extremely slow processing abilities. The Special ED Team Chairperson explained to me that she cannot force teachers to put their assignments on line if they don’t want to do it. I looked back at her in bewilderment. I wouldn’t say that teachers should be forced to do anything, but since this child already has an IEP and this accommodation is necessary for him to access the curriculum all of his teachers will comply.
Learning disabilities affect children of all ability levels. Sometimes, learning disabilities are experienced by students who have above average abilities in academic areas. Schools cannot tell you that because your child is bright or is receiving passing grades that he/she is not eligible to be evaluated and/or to receive Special ED services.
The Special ED Law (IDEA) is on your side. The law requires the school to evaluate your child if you request testing. According to IDEA regulation 300.101(c), the school must provide special education to a child with a disability “even though the child has not failed or been retained in a course or grade, and is advancing from grade to grade.
If you have any “stupid statements” you’d like to share please email me at mindy@parentingpowers.com. The first five respondents will receive a free 45 minute strategic consult with me.

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Confession: I have a learning disability

Susan Epstein — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:19:10 +0000

I have a learning disability. It affected me most
of my life. It has kept me from taking risks, exploring
new lands and living my best life.

I get lost. I get lost when we go out to eat and I
go to the rest room. You can find me trying to
get into the broom closet in the restaurant. I get
lost on family vacations and had to rely on my
school age children to navagate me around.
“No mommy, the hotel room is this way.”

Big cities freaked me out. Driving alone somewhere?
Forget it. Always lost. In every gas station asking for
directions. I used to have to allow an extra hour or
two for getting lost.

I was teased by my family and friends and I really
got on some people’s nerves.

I once didn’t go on a job interview because I was
afraid of getting lost. Let me tell you this…living
with this for almost fifty years has done a number
on my self esteem. For years I felt literally “stupid”.

Then two things happened. I got a GPS and I also
read an article that getting lost has something to
do with the innability to sequence. OMG!

I started remembering experiences from early childhood.
KG classroom, we had to listen to a set of directions
and then walk around the room doing them. The
teacher lost me at the second one. I was embarassed,
ashamed and cried. (I think she yelled at me.)

Don’t even get me started on Math. Major disaster,
struggle in school. Barely passed even with help,
dad, tutors. Talk about feeling stupid!

Here is a biggie…thought I might get a Ph.d in
psychology…but knew I’d have to take statistics.
Opted for the MSW…research methods I could
handle.

I can’t learn dance steps. I have to stand in the front
row and the teacher must be with her back to me so
I can follow. Once in a step aerobics class the
instructor told me that I shouldn’t come back because
my steps were not in sync with the class!

I can’t play any games with strategy…like chess or
even checkers without getting whipped really bad.
This is humiliating when your 4 year old beats you
and you haven’t let him.

But now, I have been freed! At least for driving to
unknown places. I take Glenda Garmin with me
and if I take a wrong turn, she politely tells me
that she is re-calculating!

I also know now that had I been tested as a child-
I could have had an IEP (Idividualized Education
Program)…Who knows? Maybe I could have been
a rocket scientist!

If you suspect your child has a learning disability…
get them tested.

Need assistance?

click this link and check out how to get help without

leaving your living room…

http://tinyurl.com/lt89tr

What a huge difference you will make on your
child’s life. Not just in school, but for your child’s
lifetime.

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Talk to baby…Talk to teenager…one in the same

Susan Epstein — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:35:25 +0000

This past weekend we had friends over for the day. They are new parents. Their child is 13 months old. What a great day! We went to the beach and collected shells, played with water and then came home and played with the cats and the dog.

I went up into my storage area and pulled out a box. In the box were all my favorite children’s books that I had read over and over again to my kids. (Now 20 and 24!) Good Night Moon, Where the Wild Things Are, Go Dog Go, Hop on Pop, Amelia Bedilia, Runaway Bunny and more!

My friend told me that they were having their first experience with disciplining. Now that their baby was walking, he liked to throw his toys at the cat. He actually pulled our cat’s tale at one point. “What do you do?” I asked.

She said, we pick him up, remove him from the situation, and tell him “No throwing toys at the cat.”

I loved this! Because it is exactly what I would advise them to keep on doing until he is 18!

I know they won’t be able to pick him up. But they can redirect and correct. They didn’t yell or shame him and they

didn’t have to. He is learning.

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We don’t Test for Dyslexia: Part II

Susan Epstein — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:01:22 +0000

As you may recall, when I first posted this blog I asked for any other “stupid things school say” that you would like to share. And to make it more fun, I offered that the first five respondents would receive a free 30 minute Special Ed Strategy Session with me. Well it’s not too late to send them in!
Here’s a sampling of some that I have received to date:
A parent was told by her child’s school psychologist “that her son’s brain was like a bucket and it would only hold so much information and she needed to pick and choose what to put in there.”
When a parent was informed by her 6th grader with ADD that when he forgot his pencil (again) his math teacher humiliated him in front of the entire class. She reported this to the Special Ed Team Chair. Her response was “Teachers try many techniques with their students, but sometimes all that works is humiliation.”
The school psychologist’s evaluation summary stated that a first grader’s difficulties in school continue to be in social/emotional/behavioral areas. When the parents were reviewing his IEP they questioned why there weren’t any goals under the social/emotional category. The adjustment counselor explained “Oh, there is no such thing as goals for social/emotional behaviors.”
Please write back to my email mindy@parentingpowers.com or through this blog if you have some really stupid statements you’d like to share. If you are one of the first five respondents you will be eligible for a free 30 minute Special Ed Strategy Session with me.

Mindy Mazur, Special Ed Parent Coach

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We don’t Test for Dyslexia… And Other Stupid Things School Say

Susan Epstein — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:42:12 +0000

Mindy Mazur-

Special Ed Parent Coach

Every time I think I’ve heard it all, someone in a school (usually a teacher) says something that makes my jaw drop. I don’t have any scientific proof but I would say that school year 2008-2009 was especially jaw dropping. I believe it could be attributed to the financial meltdown of our economy and the added stress it has caused. Cities and towns have even less resources to provide all essential services and a Free and Appropriate Education (FAPE) for our students. But this is not an excuse, it’s a possible explanation.
But I digress. “We don’t test for dyslexia” was an actual response a mother of a 14 year old was given when she shared the difficulties her daughter was having with reading. She also received two Fs on her final report card. The same mother was also told by another educator “that you are born with dyslexia so it would already be known by now if she had it.”
Even if they were correct, they offered no other solutions. They basically closed the door on investigating what was causing this student‘s reading difficulties. Not only were the statements incorrect, they were not in compliance with the No Child Left Behind (NCLB) federal legislation. The state must identify, locate, and evaluate all children with disabilities who need special education and related services. This is called Child Find. If a student is not making effective progress or has had difficulty learning a school professional may ask that a child be evaluated to see if he or she has a disability. Parents may also contact the child’s teacher or other school professionals to ask that their child be evaluated. Always put request in writing and if its hand delivered request a receipt. If sent through US postal service send it certified or registered. School personnel will have to sign for it in order to receive it.

I would love to hear any of the “stupid statements school say” you’ve heard. Please write back to my email mindy@parentingpowers.com . To make it more fun, the first five respondents will receive a free 30 minute special ed strategy session with me.

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Father’s Day Is Coming….Where are the Fathers?

Susan Epstein — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:17:10 +0000

With Father’s day coming up this Sunday I started to think about the many families I have coached and advocated for over the last few years. Many of the families were single parent families, all of them were single moms. These are families where the father is not present or involved at all. They are not giving emotional and/or financial support.
There is no one reason, diagnosis or disability that runs through these families as a common thread. What is consistent is that having a child with any type of special needs can put enormous stress on a marriage. When these marriages end sometimes the dad is still involved, sometimes he is not. It happened with my parents and in my marriage as well.
My dad who was child prodigy had difficulty accepting that his two young sons had below average cognitive abilities. My mom and dad separated often and eventually divorced. I’m still married (just had our 27th wedding anniversary), but our son’s ADHD and later bipolar disorder diagnosis was especially difficult for my spouse. He was an equal partner when it came to meeting with teachers and team meetings. Our son’s mental health started to decline when he was twelve years. He had some very risky behaviors that got him into serious trouble. My husband felt ashamed and was concerned about what people would think about his parenting abilities. This caused a serious depressive episode and left me as the “strong one”.
Parenting is probably the most difficult job any of us will ever have. Parenting a child with special needs even more so. Doing it alone…almost inconceivable.
Dads, your families need you. Happy Father’s Day!

Mindy Mazur, Special Ed Parent Coach

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