“Grunt, Grrrr, Dunno, Fine, Duh!, Get off my Back!” Engaging Kids in Meaningful Conversation
Posted by Susan Epstein on January 10th, 2011 at 04:20pm
Talking to kids, sometimes as young as 9 years old, can feel like talking to a brick wall. It can be really frustrating for parents. At one time you knew everything that was going on in their little worlds and now their lives outside your home feels like a complete mystery! You miss the kid that your kid used to be. Here are some ideas on how to get them back:
When you are at a loss for what to say or what you are saying isn’t working:
Instead of…
“How was your day?”
Try…..
“What was the best part about your day?”
Instead of…
“What’s wrong?”
Try…..
“You look upset. I am here if you want to talk.”
Instead of…
“I wish you would ask for help.”
Try….
“If there is anything I can do to help you with your problem, homework, issue, etc…just let me know. I’ll drop everything to help
To build self esteem:
Try….
“I really liked the way…”
To show interest in their lives
Try….
What was the best part of your day?
To encourage strategic and realistic thinking
Try….
“What’s your plan?”
“What worked last time?”
To Encourage reflective thinking:
Try…
“If you could do it again, how would you do it differently?”
Print this out and keep it with you….as your parent cheat sheet!
Tags: consistent parenting, discipline, disrespectful kids, free parenting help, growing up, Parenting advice teens, parenting powers, susan epstein
Under Teens/Tweens
3 Comments for “Grunt, Grrrr, Dunno, Fine, Duh!, Get off my Back!” Engaging Kids in Meaningful Conversation
1. elizabeth rozeboom | January 11th, 2011 at 9:59 am
I ask my (adopted) 12 year old son, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What did you like best that happened today?” If his day didn’t go well, or one event “clouds” the whole day, he says, “nothing.” “There was nothing good that happened.”
What should I say next. To answer, “there must have been something good,” just get a “no there wasn’t!”
He’s generally an agreeable person, but when not …..look out.
I would like to have some tips for when he goes negative and I can’t seem to lift him out. I don’t like my children to go to bed negative, I want them to have happy, loving thoughts as they go to sleep.
Any ideas?
2. Susan Epstein | January 11th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Hi Elizabeth,
Thanks for your response. When your son says “nothing” or “there was nothing good that happened” challenge that.
“Wow, that’s so hard to believe that nothing good happened. This was the best part of my day……” and say something
very simple, like, when you left for school you smiled at me or when I came home from work the dog was so happy to see me.”
Introduce simple things and don’t expect an answer right away….but keep modeling that every day! And let me know….
3. christine potter | January 11th, 2011 at 12:39 pm
My nine year old daughter is frequently very negative about her day . She talks a lot, but it’s just all so negative.
She feels kids don’t like her, she might mention situations that she didn’t like, but is resistant (almost unable ) to explore options or other ways to look at a situation. It can be so upsetting for me because, of course, I don’t want her to feel that way.
She also takes ithings out on her sister (6 1/2 years), and that is so upsetting.
How does one help her out of the negativity?
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