Kids Lying and Stealing: Why Lecturing, Grounding and Taking Things Away Doesn’t Work

Posted by Susan Epstein on November 1st, 2010 at 11:07pm

istock_000003343196xsmall

When imposing consequences on your teen for lying or stealing, ask yourself, “what am I trying to teach her?” Does grounding her teach her not to lie and to be more truthful? Will a lecture about morals and right and wrong make an impact? Will grounding her for the next month get your point across? If not…think about some alternatives…

I like assigning an essay of 2 pages (500 words)..titles such as-

“Getting arrested for shoplifting…how that can follow you through your life.”

“Lying and how it affects your relationships.”

In terms of stealing, you can also have her make restitution or do a community service to drive the point home.

Parents, I are concerned with their child’s safety…so make that the point. Tell her that she doesn’t go anywhere or do anything extra until the paper is written, handed into you, you’ve read it and the two of you have discussed it. At that point you can determine whether she has learned what you intended and you can release her back to her life.

You may want to add some extra check-ins for a month or two after to let her know that you still are concerned and care enough about her to know where she is and what she is doing.

Don’t use the word “trust” with her as it may cause her to feel ashamed and eat away at her self esteem. The word “trust” is also vague and hard to earn back unless you are super clear about what trust means to you.