Dear Parent Coach, Susan

Posted by Susan Epstein on October 17th, 2010 at 11:48pm

Dear Parent Coach Susan,

My step son feels that he rules the house. He moved in with us to “get away” from the drugs and start a fresh life, which with it came new tv, car, phone, an allowance and other goodies he didnt have with his mother.  I sat him down and made it clear that he would not have to work if he wanted to do sports and we would give him an allowance along with a car if he did well in school and didn’t get into drugs again.

If he did, he would be stripped of everything.  Well, in the last month or so, he has been very disrespectful, mean and obnoxious towards his 9 & 11 year old sisters and to me.  This past weekend he had a disagreement with his father because we don’t allow for him to sleep over his girlfriend’s house (dating only 1 month or so), nor do allow her to sleep over our house either.  He took off to his mother’s house and spent two days there with no call and no disregard for his actions.

I have suspended his phone service, will be taking the car keys when he gets home tonight, as well as his allowance.  He will now have to get a job and pay for these “goodies” he was getting.  In addition, he has one month of punishment for his actions.  Do you believe this is too harsh?  Keep in mind, this boy has been raised thinking he is owed something from his father because their parents separated and bribing is his expertise.  I await your response & thank you.

Answer:

Dear Emma,

While this is a difficult time and I feel your frustration,  I wonder if your punishments will drive a bigger wedge in the communication between you and your step-son.

I think it is important to connect consequences to the misconduct.  I  like to pretend I am a teacher. What do I what this young man to learn? How can I best teach him?

Why not give this a try?

Write Me An Essay

Ages: 13-18

Purpose: Education

How to:

• Assign an essay for the situation
• Tell teen:
• Length: 250-500 words, double spaced, spell checked
• Must be at least a “B” paper
• No privileges until paper is turned into parent and discussed together

Examples:

• Marijuana’s Effect on the Teenage Boy’s Brain
• How AIDS/HIV is Contracted and What Happens to Your Body
• What is Date Rape and What You Can Do to be Safe?
• Drinking and driving…why it is dangerous?
• Texting and driving…why it is dangerous?
• Available jobs and pay for kids who don’t finish high school
• Prescription drugs and addictions

Tags: calm parenting, Chores, discipline, free parenting help, parenting advice, Parenting advice teens, Parenting Calm, rules of the house

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