And the Parent of The Year Award Goes To…..

Posted by Susan Epstein on June 15th, 2010 at 11:30am

Happy Father and Daughter Parenting from a calm place is one of the most difficult techniques to master, especially if you come from a family where everyone shouts at each other naturally. A lot of moms and dads tell me that in their families growing up, it was normal for people to scream and yell at each other

Some kids, can cope with this, but I want to tell you, you aren’t getting the most bang foryour buck by screaming. Mostly, because the kids are tuning you out!

So here is how you can be the Calmest Parent of the Year!

Stay calm: Imagine you are a robot and you are up for the Academy Award. You cannot show emotion or you will not be nominated.
No lecture: Lectures put kids into the zone of tuning out. All they hear is “blah, blah, blah”. They also feel shamed which can lead to tantrums and explosive outbursts.
No questions: Questions put kids on the defensive and they feel backed into a corner. This may provoke them to lash out and lose their cool.
Be clear: Don’t go on and on. Use as few words as possible to make your point. Children/Teens will tune out after 5 words.
Name the specific behavior: Example… “Please, remove your hand from your hip. Please don’t roll your eyes that is disrespectful.”
Don’t give up until the behavior stops: Every time the child/teen comes back with another remark, repeat what you just said, for example: “Please don’t speak to me that way, it is disrespectful.”
Do not banish: Don’t send kids to their room. This sends out the signal that you don’t care and/or can’t stand them. If possible, parent should take their own time out and model this for the child/teen. “I need to calm down and think. I am going to my room and we’ll talk later when we both are able to discuss this.”
Follow: If the child/teen walks away from you call them back and if they still leave; follow them, calming repeating. “It’s okay if you need a break, but please be respectful and let me know.”
Visual Reminders: Use post-its, screen savers, etc…to remind yourself to stay calm. “I am a calm parent and I get results.”
Correct with love and guidance: Show that you care by hanging in there and not losing it, use please and thank you when correcting.