Focus on Kindness

Posted by Susan Epstein on May 26th, 2009 at 10:48am

Daniel Rosenkrantz, Coach to Parents of Tweens & Teens

“Stop hitting your brother!”
“You are so fresh!”
“Learn some manners!”

Children are often awarded negative attention: getting scolded for doing things they shouldn’t be doing.

In this week’s blog, I challenge you to turn the tables, and give your children attention for all the things they are doing right.

Start by complimenting them whenever they comply with your request. For example:

Mom: “Mary, please turn off the TV now and come to dinner.”
Mary: “Okay Mom.” Mary turns off the TV and comes to dinner.
Mom: “Thank you Mary. I really love when you listen to me.”

Second, take notice whenever they do a chore or something else required of them.

Mom: “Mary, your room looks wonderful! You did such a beautiful job.”

Third, start a Random Acts of Kindness Wall in your house.

What you need:
a space on a wall / big bulletin board
pens/pencils/markers
paper cut outs of stars or doves or some other friendly symbol
push pins/ tape

Whenever you notice your child doing something for someone else, whether it is holding the door, picking up something off the floor that someone else has dropped, comforting their sibling etc. you fill out a ‘star’ with their name, the date, and what they did and post it on the wall.

The Random Acts of Kindness Wall should involve the whole family (anybody can fill one out to honor anyone else) and can be inclusive of young children all the way up to teens.

When a certain amounts of ‘stars’ have been posted, do something really fun together as a family to honor all the kindness in your home!

By focusing your attention on what you want more of, you will begin to notice an increase in that which you are concentrating upon.

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Under Teens/Tweens