Who needs an attitude adjustment?
Posted by Susan Epstein on May 12th, 2009 at 05:36pm
“Our feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, loss of hope and so forth are in fact related to all phenomena. If we do not adopt the right outlook, it is possible that anything and everything could cause us frustration. Yet phenomena are part of reality and we are subject to the laws of existence. So this leaves us only one option: to change our own attitude. By bringing about a change in our outlook towards things and events, all phenomena can become friends or sources of happiness, instead of becoming enemies or sources of frustration.”
From the Book of Wisdom, Dalai Lama
How often do you find yourself yelling, lecturing and losing your temper with your kids? How many times in the past week did you send your child to his room for misbehavior but later in the day the behavior repeated itself? You may feel that your home is a hostile environment and the only peace you get is at bedtime. (and that time of the night is no picnic either!)
If so, I am going to ask you to shake it up and try something different this week. Instead of concentrating on your child’s misbehavior, I want you to take stock of your own anger and frustration.The first part of this assignment is to create awareness. Between now and this time next week, I want you to notice when you get angry and frustrated with your child/teen. See if you can get to 200 times.
Notice what is triggering your anger and frustration, where you feel it in your body and what you do with these feelings. If you want, keep a journal or notes. This is not necessary, but it may help you see the big picture.
Let’s start a conversation this week here on the blog. A great way to learn is to hear what other parents have to say and how they are managing their anger with their kids. Subscribe to this blog so that next week you get part II of this exercise. I’m going to ask Coach Daniel to write it..so stay tuned.
![[Post to Twitter]](http://parentingpowers.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/tweet-this/icons/tt-twitter.png){kind=icon}
Tags: disrespectful kids, kids behaviors, losing temper with kids, parental frustration, yelling at kids
Under Children+ Family+ Teens/Tweens
8 Comments for Who needs an attitude adjustment?
1. Yvonne | May 14th, 2009 at 8:50 am
I need an attitude adjustment. I have been struggling with my son, who is in the 9th grade, about his grades and no matter what I do, he still managed to have failing grades in several of his classes. Yesterday, it was his behavior and that really caused me to get angry. There are only 2 weeks left in school and he is not taking it serious. I think my anger and disappointment has been building up and I explode. I will not only focus on my anger this week but hopefully find something positive to focus on instead of the negarive. Besides, I only have 2 more weeks to control my anger, unless he ends up attending summer school.
2. Daniel | May 14th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Hi Yvonne, Thanks for posting
What kind of behavioral issues are you dealing with? What happens when you get angry?
Daniel
3. Cristina Favreau :: The Brainstormist | May 14th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Yvonne, an awesome book on helping your kids get motivated for school is “Your Child’s Strengths” by Jenifer Fox. It’s about focusing on what they are really good at and setting them up for success, so they can be “auto motivated.”
Mine are still very young and not even in school. I wish I had more sage advice!
Good luck!
4. Susan | May 17th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
It is difficult to not take our child/teen’s choices personally. After all we are molding them, steering them, influencing them every day of their lives. And then, when they choose to behave in a way that totally goes against everything we have taught them, it is natural for us to become angry.
Learning to stay present and conscious about our own emotions is a great way to check in and not take their actions personally.
I hope you have a better week, Yvonne!
5. Charlene | May 17th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
I find it hard to correct my son Jeremy who is 11 with his behavior in back talikng. When I tell him his behavior is not exceptable that goes with his back talk, he say’s he is’nt doing anything wrong. he
does not see how he reacts to daily situations. I want him to respect adults and learn not to blurt out disrespectful comments.
I need help.
6. Rhonda | May 18th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Hi Yvonne,
I too had this same situation. Since my son was in the fifth grade it has been a struggle. Recently after having a discussion with him about something unrelated I discovered that he was being way too hard on himself. This was not something I could not fix. It is up to him to not feed himself damaging and sometimes misleading information all day long. i sympathized with him and encouraged him to replace negative thoughts with healthy and more accurate thoughts.
7. Jodi Stonebarger | June 19th, 2009 at 3:04 am
Daniel, Hi, I was wondering where I could get the parenting book, 123 Magic? I really don’t have alot of money. I went from full-time down to part-time to be with jordan at night, so funds are tight. Any suggestions?
8. Marcus | October 21st, 2009 at 11:29 am
Great post you got here. I’d like to read something more concerning that matter.
Leave a Comment for Who needs an attitude adjustment?