“Bullies thrive wherever authority is weak.” –Tim Field
Posted by Susan Epstein on April 22nd, 2009 at 10:37am
“Constantly bullied, he ends his life at age 11”, this was the headline I read in the Boston Globe on April 20, 2009. This preventable tragedy makes it clear to me that not much has changed since the early 60’s when I was in grade school. My two younger brothers were constantly harassed, bullied, and made fun of because they were mentally retarded.
Since the Columbine tragedy, many resources were developed by the federal government and school districts to prevent school bullying. Yet, schools continue to fail.
As a Special Ed Parent Coach and Advocate, I’ve worked with many families where bullying of their child with special needs was a significant problem. An 11 year old boy with a neurological impairment was constantly bullied. The bullying (sexual harassment) took place out of the classroom. His parents were informed by another student. Children who are bullied are fearful to tell an adult because of the retribution they would face.
At a meeting with the principal, I asked what protocols and programs did the school have in place to address bullying, and he told me that they had an assembly on it once a year. Need I say more?
Attending a team meeting for a 10 year old, the mother was explaining to the Vice Principal that her child was a victim of bullying. She told her that other students called him a “retard” and anyone who was his friend was a “retard” too. With a slight chuckle the Vice Principal responded that this was typical behavior for fourth grade boys.
Children can be extremely cruel to one another. There must be more adult supervision on school buses, in the hallways, in the cafeteria, and in the playground. And adults need to act as adults.
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Tags: Bullying, parenting advice, School Problems Bullying, Special Ed Paren Coach
Under Children+ Teens/Tweens
17 Comments for “Bullies thrive wherever authority is weak.” –Tim Field
1. Lynne | April 27th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
My son was bullied in 6th grade and his resource teacher said he was “asking for it”.
2. Mindy | April 27th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Hi Lynne:
I’m so sorry that your son was a victim of bullying. His resource room teacher is using the old “blame the victim” excuse. But of course there is never an excuse for bullying. No one ever asks to be bullied, harrassed, assaulted etc.
I hope you had some success in resolving your son’s situation.
3. Rhona | April 27th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Hi Tim,
My childrens school (teacher,principal) did not even acknowledge my concerns. If anything they were offended. It has been an ongoing problem since my first born attended. I am now homeschooling my youngest. I love the remarks people make to me about how she really needs to be with her “friends”. I live in a small communtiy and do not have a lot of support. I can not afford to rock the boat, so I just grin and bear it.
4. Mindy | May 2nd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Hi Rhona: Thanks for your comment and I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I would be happy to learn more about your family and your situation. Perhaps I can give you support (we can talk on the phone, skype or email ) so you don’t have to j”ust grin and bear it”
Mindy
PS The title of my blog was a quote I used from Tim Field.
5. Rosetta | May 20th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Every child needs to know how to handle bullying in the exact same way that he or she learns to float and swim in swimming lessons. These anti bullying strategies ar as important for survival as a personal floatation device is to keep from drowning.
Having said that,
One technique is for the child to yell STOP! and for the child to block the bully’s words with 2 hands up and yell STOP! again. The victim needs to show they mean stop. I have children in my classroom practice this technique as loud as they can and it does work !
As a comparison, think of how many small dogs you have encountered that bark so loud that you have hesitated to approach or go near them?
I know this seems like a simple suggestion but it does work.
6. Mindy | May 21st, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Hi Rosetta:
Thanks for your post. Your anti-bullying strategies are interesting. With the school district and adults acknowledging that there is a bullying problem a strategy like this could be very effective. It reminds me of the times I would ride the NYC subways as a teenager. Strange men would try to touch me and I would scream out “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME”. It worked!
7. Richie V. | May 29th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I like the put up the hand and yell “STOP” from Rosetta. If only the school would teach that in class. I’m just so sick and tired about how 95% of all the schools just don’t want to get involved until one of these kids commits suicide because they were harrassed. I’m going through a problem now with my daughters school not doing what they preach. I’ve gone to the Supt. and I get lip service. It’s been going on for two months and since we’re close to the end of school, I’m sure this will just quitely go away? Not with me. I’ll keep visiting, writing to local papers just to show the system that some people like myself will not roll over and play dead.
8. Mindy | May 30th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Hi Richie:
I’ so sorry to hear that the school has been non-responsive to the harassment of your daughter. I agree with your strategy with going public. You might also want to contact your State Rep, Senator, or congressperson. They love to help there constituents and just their calling or writing a letter airs the schools dirty laundry. You could also call members of your school committee. If the bullying is due to any disability’ race etc. you can file a complaint with the Department of Education Office of Civil Rights. I have been successful using these tactics with special education.
Good luck and don’t give up!
9. Richie | May 31st, 2009 at 11:06 am
Hi Mindy. Thanks for the support. I’ve been down this road before with the school system. When you try to fight a battle alone, your chances are slim to none. But I don’t plan on doing this solo. I love a good fight, but a fair an honest one. You know what’s so funny? I’ve talked to a few people about this problem and 7 out of 10 say’s I’m fighting a losing battle. I don’t see it that way and never will. That’s what’s wrong with most of us, we give up and hope things will change for the better. The school system sets the rules, but doesn’t follow the rules. I for one would like to know why. Wouldn’t you?
10. Mindy | May 31st, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Hi Richie: I agree with you-don’t give up the fight! Even if you are not victorious you are role modeling for your children. You are showing them that they can and should confront authority when necessary. You are showing them how much you care about them and what you will do to set things right. And you are showing them how to engage and strategize in a peaceful and respectful way.
11. Mary Toso | June 25th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
I couldn’t agree more with the title. My kids have all three experienced varios forms of harrassing and bullying types of treatment. The teachers are too unsure or unconcerned about what to do.
12. Richie | June 25th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Hi Mary. Schools now over until September. And like I told Mindy, whatever happened in the last two and a half months were swept under the rug. They still have to deal with me for another year, and I tell you,I can’t wait. We’re in upstate NY, where is your school located?
13. Mindy | June 30th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Hi All:
here are some helpful links on bullying in schools (if you haven’t already discovered)
Mindy
http://www.ed.gov/admins/lead/safety/training/bullying/bullying_pg17.html
http://74.125.47.132/custom?q=cache:kI_cbBg80BMJ:www.ed.gov/admins/lead/safety/training/bullying/bullyingplan3.doc+bullying&cd=4&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=google-coop-np
http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/?cid=55000.0067706003&s_kwcid=TC|8363|bullying%20schools||S|b|2788375735&gclid=CMjJr-PssZsCFYZM5Qodu0C2QA
14. maisie | July 23rd, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I am an ex-teacher and have witnessed the fallout from bullying. But recently I experienced it myself as an assistant to a very nasty serial bully teacher. She constantly humiliated certain pupils and encouraged homophobic comments and behavior in the classroom - knowing one of my relatives was gay. This resulted in one of the openly gay students being attacked by a group from her class. She often humiliated me and other students. I complained to the Vice principal and the principal who both thought her a wonderful teacher. I left the job, disgusted with the weak management and feeling so sad for the students still there. They believed some awful stories she spread about me, but I am so relieved to be out of such an unprofessional school.
15. Richie | July 24th, 2009 at 6:23 am
Maisie, I so sorry to hear that they have “Teacher Bullies” also in school. How can that be? I hope you filed a law suit? May I ask what scool district this was? Thanks.
16. Bill Bartmann | September 2nd, 2009 at 10:27 am
Cool site, love the info.
17. Manderson | September 24th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Your site was extremely interesting, especially since I was searching for thoughts on this subject last Thursday.
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