The Training of the Human Plant
Posted by Susan Epstein on April 6th, 2009 at 04:22pm
Daniel Rosenkrantz, Parent Coach/Teen Mentor
Luther Burbank, renowned American horticulturist, botanist and humanist, wrote in his book, The Training of the Human Plant, the following:
“Above all [when raising children], bear in mind repetition, repetition, the use of an influence over and over again. Keeping everlastingly at it, this is what fixes traits in plants - the constant repetition of an influence until at last it is irrevocably fixed and will not change. You cannot afford to get discouraged. You are dealing with something far more precious than any plant - the priceless soul of a child.”
As parents, consistency in behavior and action is essential to successfully raising a child. Repetition is the secret ingredient that allows the techniques and strategies that you learn and implement to work wonders in your home.
For example, timeout. When your child misbehaves, you say, ‘1,’ and when they don’t stop you say, ‘2.’ When you get to ‘3’ they must sit in timeout. Sounds simple, but without repetition, the results will be mixed. The parent who practices this method consistently - every time their child acts out - will tell you how quickly their child’s behavior turned around and how most of the time they no longer even reach ‘3.’
When your child knows what to expect from you, they feel secure. Family life goes a lot smoother, which naturally gives everyone greater peace and harmony.
Where in your relationship with your child can you be more consistent?
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Tags: calm parenting, consistent parenting, Parenting advice teens
Under Teens/Tweens
4 Comments for The Training of the Human Plant
1. Rosetta | April 6th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
There is some danger in practicing the 1,2,3 method. My kids used as an opportunity to misbehave 3 times before they got a time out. They considered them “freebies” I am not an advocate of 1,2,3. It didn’t work for me and I was consistent. What worked better for me was that when I didn’t get cooperation, I wrote down what was said, posted it on the fridge, and the next time they asked for something, i USED THE RESPONSE THEY HAD GIVEN ME BEFORE. They quickly learned that what goes around, comes around, freebies not included!
2. Daniel | April 7th, 2009 at 3:41 am
Hi Rosetta, Thanks for your response.
The timeout was just an example. Most parents do have success with timeout, but the important thing is to find something that works for you and then be consistent with it. Congratulations on finding a method that your children respond to!
I must say I am curious about the responses that you post on the fridge…would you mind sharing a few?
Daniel
3. Mary V | April 7th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Daniel, I use the 1,2,3 because whatever else I did had no impact. I tried posting what she said on the door and mirroring it to her, next time… but I got worse behavior since she mirrored me back. Sooo… I noticed that she doesn’t respond to the 1,2, 3 from my partner as she does to my 1,2,3. I also noticed that she uses me less as a target since I’m practicing calm parenting. I tried the follow her to the bed, even tho she was kicking… i would not move until she calmed down.. i did it! One day at a time. This was good. But my partner sees my “calmness” as “jelly fish-ness”. She says that I’m being “Run” by my daughter, when in fact I’m practicing calm parenting, staying in control of MYSELF, not my daughter. And waiting until she gets herself under control.. seems I have it tougher having to train my partner as well as my child. This is overwhelming!!!
4. Daniel | April 7th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Hi Mary, It’s so wonderful to hear that you successfully followed your daughter to her bed and stayed there until she was calm! Being calm and in control is by no means being soft or complacent. It is hard to think of a greater gift you can give your daughter than to be in control of your own emotions and not let them get in the way of your parenting. When we stay calm, we are much more powerful and effective in all that we do.
The higher road may take more endurance to climb, but the view from the top is much more splendid.
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