Has Your “Clean up Your Room or Else!” Command Been Ignored?

Posted by Susan Epstein on February 24th, 2009 at 03:28pm

Besides talking back, getting kids to pick up their messy rooms is the #1 challenge that most parents have shared with me. What I want you to do is walk away from your laptop right now (if you are home) and into your child’s room. Stand right in the middle of it. Look around. How do you feel? If you said, “exhausted, overwhelmed or frustrated” good. That is how your child feels when you send him to his room to clean it up.

Now get out some 3×5 cards and markers. Go back into your child’s room and write down on each card a step that is involved in cleaning up their room. It might look like this:

Laundry off floor into hamper
Toys put back in bins
Dishes, glasses to dishwasher
Books back on shelves
Games picked up and stored in boxes
Clean clothes hung up/put away.

Now when your child comes home from school tell your child that you are going to help her clean up her room. She’ll be thrilled! Hand her one of the cards and tell her to do what is on the card and then come back to you with the card completed. That’s when you put a sticker on the back of the card or draw a happy face.

Hand her the next card and so on. Do this every day until your child starts automatically putting things where they belong. You have created a system for your child that is easy to follow, clear, and has a reward attached to it. If your child cannot read, draw pictures on the cards.

Keep the cards in a basket in the kitchen. Once your child has mastered this, created chore cards by breaking down the chores in small pieces.

You might even want to to this for yourself!

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13 Comments for Has Your “Clean up Your Room or Else!” Command Been Ignored?

1. Phyllis | February 24th, 2009 at 8:37 pm

Great, thanks! Cards made and ready for tomorrow!
2. Susan Epstein | February 24th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

Way to go! Let me know how it works…:)
3. Michelle | February 26th, 2009 at 9:11 am

I love it. Can’t wait to try it at home!
4. Jennifer Valerie | February 26th, 2009 at 10:08 am

Excellent idea. My boys are 5 & 6 yrs old and I do break it down when I tell them to clean their room but using the cards will eliminate me having to say it. Less work for me. They already have their chore charts on the fridge and their before bed routine and morning routine on their bedroom walls. This card idea will be a great addition. Thanks for sharing.
5. Debbie Yost | February 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm

I’ve tried something similar to this, but it was just TELLING them what to do, like just pick up the play food. It never really worked very well, but I think your card system is the key. That way, they see it as a reminder and they see the reward (sticker) after it is done. I’m not sure how my 12 year old will feel about the happy face sticker, though! LOL! I still think it is a great idea for her, too because it will help her break the room up into smaller areas as well. I just need a different reward. Maybe, do this and you can check your e-mail for 5 minutes then back to your room with the next card. Yep, definitely going to try this one. Thanks.
6. Juanita walker | February 26th, 2009 at 9:30 pm

I think that is a great Idea. I am going to go out and buy some cards tomorrow. Thanks for the tip.
7. Tina Beard | February 26th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

I’m going to give this a try for both my girls ages 12 and 5. My younger will get a kick out of this. Changing the reward for my 12 year old sounds like a good idea from Debbie Yost, thank you
8. Cathy | February 26th, 2009 at 10:15 pm

This is a great idea..I never gave this a thought as I tried charts but they didn’t work well. I am going to get some index cards and might even have the kids ages 8.5 and 6.5 help put pictures on them or color them so they are involved too.
9. Sara | February 27th, 2009 at 3:31 am

How would you adapt this for a teenager. If I tried this with my son he would just look at me with distain and ignore it. What is the best approach with the difficult species of teens ?
10. Susan Epstein | February 27th, 2009 at 7:47 am

Thanks for all the great posts about getting kids to clean up…please let me know how it goes!
11. Susan Epstein | February 28th, 2009 at 9:41 am

For a teenager, I would make a detailed list on a 3×5 card and have them check off when completed. They could trade to card into you for computer time, movie tickets, whatever your leverage is…the keys to the car?
12. Fatima | March 1st, 2009 at 8:28 am

I’m a teenager.
Just dropping a comment to say:
Why are people listening to you.
My mom has been doing this. To which i was like: What the hell mom?
Last week she stopped listening to you and started being a mother, rather than an authoritarian cow.
And it works. We have got on and haven’t argued or anything. And all because she wasn’t being a patronising banshee with her little cards telling me what to do. I love my mom.
Do you have children?

I feel sorry for them
13. Susan Epstein | March 1st, 2009 at 8:47 am

I don’t often hear from teenagers through my blog so it was good to hear your opinion. First of all, I think that you are lucky that you and your mom can get along.

Here’s a story..when my son was 17 (he is now 23) I had been asking him to do a few things around the house. He kept putting them off and I felt like I was nagging. I didn’t want to be a nag! So I made a list on a 3 x 5 card and handed it to him and went to work. When I came home, the card was on the counter with everything checked off. I told him ‘thank you’ and he told me that he liked it much better that way…he could get his ‘chores’ done at his own pace and manage his own time.

Had I started this when he was 5…he wouldn’t have needed the card at 17. But he probably would have needed a break down of the steps to how to clean up his room. Little kids get overwhelmed by big messes.

What I do, is help parents stop nagging, stop yelling and parent calmly. I can see that if you were used to your mom parenting in a certain way and
then she changed that this would be upsetting.

In any case…as long as you and your mom are getting along…that’s what is important.

I do get that you were angry and again do appreciate your opinion.