Dear Mom/Dad, Why are you always yelling at me?

Posted by Susan Epstein on February 2nd, 2009 at 11:50am

Dear Mom and Dad,

Why are you always yelling at me? “Do this, pick up that, put this away, do your homework, get off the computer, set the table, brush your teeth!” It really drives me crazy, that you never just let me be. You ask me why I don’t listen to you. Well, everything you say sounds the same…plus you are on me all the time. I cannot finish a thought, a TV show, a computer game or even a conversation!

 

You think that I have ADD because you think that I don’t focus. Well, YOU don’t let me focus. You are constantly interrupting everything I do. That is the real reason why I can never finish anything. And to top it off, I feel like I can never do anything right.

Look, I am happy (well not jumping for joy) but ok about doing my chores, my share to pitch in. But give me a break…a chance before you start in on me again.

Why don’t you hand me a list of stuff to do and put a deadline on it? Let me mangage my time and figure out when to get in done. Then if I don’t follow through, you can yell at me all you want and I’ll accept responsibility.

Just stop nagging. It just makes me want to go to my room and get away from you. It also makes me say mean things to you like “whatever!”, roll my eyes, and definetly not do what you asked me to do.

You think I hate you. But that isn’t it. You just make me so angry! All because I didn’t take out the trash in the 5 minute window you gave me. Mom, Dad, get a grip. I need you to give me structure not a lecture.

Love,

Your son/daughter

Get help if you find yourself yelling….

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Under Children+ Teens/Tweens

8 Comments for Dear Mom/Dad, Why are you always yelling at me?

  • 1. Ingrid Johnson  |  February 2nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Great article! In my opinion, the style of interacting begins at an age even younger than what you describe. It’s part of a whole communication system that originates in babyhood.
    Engagement, responsiveness, and respect are important from the very beginning of our interaction with our child.
    Would love to hear opinions on what age this issue really starts.

  • 2. Bonnie Irving  |  February 2nd, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Ummm… Are you hiding in a Corner of my House taking dictation from my kids??? This is an *Ouch* Amen kinda posts

  • 3. Phyllis  |  February 24th, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    Yep, I admit it, I’m a yeller. Thanks for this!

  • 4. Rose  |  March 11th, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    Just think, you can get a lot more accomplished with a smile and some humour, especially with teeagers whose hormones and emotions are on edge ( peer pressure etc.) than you do by yelling. If you give your kids a time window, you are actually training them for life. For example, do your bills come in the mail and state that you have to pay them on the day they arrive? Does your boss tell you do this and 5 minutes later yell at you or do you have a timeline? Yelling closes communication because the volume drowns out the words that you really want to sayy like: “i need your help”. “This needs to get done.” “i can’t do it all myself.” Let face it, we don’t like being yelled at so why would we yell at our kids? Do we really want to perpetuate a generation of yellers? Do you ever wonder why your teen spends so much time away from home or the dinner table? Sometimes it’s because they are being drilled and told what to do and not really treated like a person who is worthy of a decent converstion.

  • 5. Maria  |  June 12th, 2009 at 11:52 am

    My mom’s been yelling and nagging for 10 years. She hurts my feelings, she threatens me and at times she even makes me want to kill myself because I never seem good enough for her. It’s hard living my life, but my mother thinks she’s had it way worse than me (which she has) but that doesn’t mean she can’t treat me like I’m a human being. She’s a wonderful mother, she’s made so many sacrifices for me, but at times I wonder when she’ll forget about the past and think about the future. I hate going home because one minute she says she love me, the next minute she’ll scream at me for getting a C in a test. One little mistake and it’s like the end of the world for her AND me. I really want to get away some place where I can’t hear anyone yell or complain about how I never do anything right. I just want a peaceful environment where I feel safe and loved.

  • 6. lchadder  |  November 26th, 2009 at 12:38 am

    Yes, I had been yelling myself hoarse. But, again, this was the reaction of my kids too, and they’re just 7 and 3. But I listened to their owes and stopped yelling. It was then that I came across the chore chart planning. I talked to my elder one about it. The younger one chose her own design, too. We browsed through the net to search for chore charts, took prints of their favorite ones (they liked the designs from the site kidrewardzone) and pinned it up. They get stars and coins for each work done and minus one for tantrums and stuff. By the end of the week they also get to go to the park if they get all stars for the week. How’zat?

  • 7. krista  |  December 7th, 2010 at 7:49 am

    OUCH! sounds just like me, Yes I do take all my frustrations out on my daughter, she is so materialistic but then again I made her that way! I do put alot of pressure on my daughter, as well as constently nag and yell sometimes for no reason at all! I wish there was a magic spell where it would just stop, cause when I nag her or something, after I feel horrible and just wish I could stop, She’s a great kid with great school marks not hyper active actually quiet and respectable and here I am just nag nag nag, I feel awful about it I just don’t know how to stop, I tell myself to be better and then kaboom there I go again, Help if anyone has answers that can help me I would very much appreciate it before I loose my daughter???

  • 8. perlz  |  February 27th, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    I feel like i am always yelling at my 12 yr old all the time. I feel bad for having too get after her all the time. I am gonna have too control it. I have a feeling now the reason it takes me about 2 or 3 times too tell her to do something and she doesnt move is she doesnt respond faster, because she thinks I’m going to yell at her anyways, so I might as well take my time. I guess she is already tired of me. It really bothered me more when I found her writing these letters and she was claiming that it was like a diary and almost every other word that she was writing was a bad word. I was like in total shock. I love her soo much but I feel there is not enough communication between the 2 of us, that she is even telling me I just dont understand and that I dont listen to her. I feel like I need to listen more and quit yelling. I just havent admitted too her. She listens more to my boyfriend then she does me. :(

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